Tasty X'mas

Chinese says, life consists of 4major tastes, i.e. sweet, sour, bitter and spicy. But I feel all four in this Christmas. Let's group all the things happened in these few days.

Sweet
Not because I got a boy friend or what. Sweet is because I get to meet Yannick Gor, Eric, Xiaoyu, from KL, James, Roy (not me), Aaron from Singapore, Derrick from JB, Qing from China, and ...(update later) from Hong Kong. How sweet, I met 6 new friends. Although there is unhappy things within, but still the dating is full of happiness and joy.

Got my birthday present in advance from my colleagues. Is a leather bag, I like it actually, but my friend said the design too over, if for him, he won't dare to carry it.

Sour
Many sour things actually, everybody should know I m big vinegar tang (means easy to get jealous). What make me so jealous?
i) James and Eric - This sweet couple, go here and there together in these few days, although is distance love, but I think there should be full of honey along the way from KL to S'pore.

ii) Eric and Yannick - Although I m Yannick so called "didi", but he never treat me so, perhaps he got more things to tell Eric then to me. Nevermind, nice that you can talk so well with Eric.

iii) Derrick - Just a 16y.o. boy already so wanted. Make sounds old. What was I when I 16? Still a big fat boy doing nothing in the school.

Enough of sour things, still got a lot of minor things, as I really not a simple vinegar tang.

Bitter
Bitter thing don't stay long in my mind. I try not to remember them. But bitter things are:
i) Abandoned by XiaoYu and Derrick after clubbing.
ii) My best friends' case (tell more next time)
iii) wish not come true (I wish to get a boyfriend before 21 birthday)
.... Forget

Spicy
Haha. I like spicy things. They are equivalent to hot things. I dance in club is true, no guy approach is not 100% true. LOL. I did dance with guys, and in the club I really saw a lot of hotties and cuties. These really make me hot. And, when I came home early in the morning, I saw this hot guy in the bus who I usually see him in the night. (I think he went club also, good boy, go home early) haha.

Minor thing like got a iron during my office gift exchange? Err.. Strange right? But iron is hot anyway, when you on it.

Conclusion:
I starting to love Christmas, as we can gather with friends, giving and receiving gifts.

Hate x'mas as I don't have a lover to celebrate. That's pain by seeing others loving so sweet under those beautiful x'mas decorations.

Merry Christmas

25th December 2009, Christmas, 4 days to my birthday. But this morning, brought me a bad start for my 21 years old.

Last night, after going Orchard to have a short walk to feel the Christmas and meet some friends. We straight to a famous gay club in Singapore ~ PLAY. There were 3 of us when we go.

The night was great. Many hot guys there. Hotties and cutties really flooding the dancing floor. Ending part of the night, DJ even play those my favourite songs. Eg. Ring Ding Dong of SHINee, Abracadabra of brown eye girls, Nobody of wonder girls, Bad Romance of Lady Gaga....

But majority of the night I was dancing alone. No guy approaching me, 1 of the 16 y.o. friend was hugged by many guys in the night, in the end follow that guy home. Another friend also left with another guy. Left with lonely guy here, sitting at the road side, waiting the time for MRT to re-open.

Although I m so unhappy, but still I have to pretend nothing and wish them good luck. God never fair.

Now, I see many cars stopping in front of me, but I just pretend I see nothing, and continue typing this. I m not slut. Just a ordinary guy who need a guy. Not pervert who drive around to catch lonely guys. 5.26am. Another car.

(update on 27th December 2009)
What actually I unhappy for? I don't know. Being abandon? No sex? No guy? Being sad for all these are stupid... So no need to be unhappy... ^^

iPhone 3GS 16GB

Finally.... I got my iPhone.... wuahahahah....

11 December 2009 (Thursday), early in the morning, my aunt and I went to Tempines Mall~M1, we reach M1 around 11am, and they just opened. But the queue was already quite long. After queuing for 1hour, finally we got the ticket and we sit inside to wait for another 1 hour.

In the previous night, I already heard from the News that some people had queue up for more then 5hours, but still can't get in to get the ticket. And today is just the 2nd day where M1 and Starhub release their iPhone. So should be quite many people also. Wondering why those people so free, today just Thursday, and not public holiday also. Why are there so free here to queue up for the iPhone?

Around 1pm+, finally our turn to be served by the counter. My cousin and I both choose iPhone 3GS 16GB White with signing M1 iPlan Lite for 2years. And now we gotto queue again for payment, luckily my younger cousin was already queuing there in advance for us, so we got advantage by bringing more people here. haha...

People in Singapore really love to queue, most of them said is because of their kiashu culture. But why don't they queue up while waiting for MRT?

How others come out from the door?

I don't know how to list out the good of iPhone. For entertainment, you can put in many songs and videos, you even can download games you want from iStore, some is even free. With iPlan, you can even online wherever you want. For business, you can check stock value immediately, check for foreign currencies exchange rate. Good quality, good graphic, good appearance... But every application and files gotto connect through iTunes.

iPhone 3GS White

I got some problem with my iTunes. My playlist in my library and all the application I downloaded for my iPhone will disappeared after I shut down my computer. Although iPhone allow me to retrieve those paid application from my iPhone. But they won't allow me to retrieve my song playlist... SHIT

HELP!!!

But I still love my iPhone!!! ^^

Nervous Morning!!!

1st December 2009 Tuesday. Feel sleepy through out the whole morning. Suddenly, I received a sms from a "new friend". Just name him Mr.D.

Mr.D is from KL, but started to work in Singapore since 2~3months ago. Although we have each other in msn, but never chat until I saw him at True Fitness Suntec month ago. Just I saw him, he didn't recognize me, maybe I look really different between picture and real me. To me, he is A class lengcai, at the same rank with Yannick gor, Daren.....

So his message is to date me to Kbox after work. Everyone in Luna Maze will know, Shiuji will feel shy even if a stranger lengcai look at him. Not to mention stranger, there is past case, when Shiuji date Yannick gor at KL, before Yannick arrive, I actually went to toilet for more then 5 times to check myself at the mirror. Can see how nervous am I during that time.

Same thing happen again, I can't push away his offer, as I scared he think I am proud, so I accepted. The whole morning, I was so nervous, I can't control my emotion, I scared but still feel happy. I told my best friend in my office, and she also laugh at me. Haiz...

I agree, I am really lag of self confidence. But it has been improved a lot. But around 5pm, I received his text to cancel our appointment, as he need to work OT. Immediately, I felt relieve yet disappointed.

So conclusion, I wish to go, but scared; I want to make more new friends, but shy! All because I don't have enough self confidence and not brave enough.

No balls....

Air Steward!!!

Recently I always get to read this air steward blogger's blog. He always upload a lot of photos that he took when he reach certain country. And now he bring me up with a crazy thinking....

Be an air steward!!!

Crazy!!!

You can't make it Shiuji! You fatty!

OK! By fact...

Age ~ 21... still young...
Height ~ 171cm... Should be ok right? Too tall is hard for him to move in the plane.
Weight ~ 68kg... Not fat... but also not slim enough...
Look ~ Not ugly.. Won't scared people away, some girls would say cute also... hehe
Skin type ~ Not sensitive skin, consider smooth...
Personality ~ Friend around me quite like me. But stranger will think other way.
Language ~ Can speak in Chinese, Cantonese, Hokkien, Kakka, Malay, English (when talking to people I know, I will use pasar English, without my control; when talking to stranger, my English will turn to proper English with nice accents or otherwise, eat screw.

One important point... I no balls...

Anything else? haiz... Whatever, just take it as a dream tonight!!!

Headache!!

Give me your opinion!

Wanna share this 2 messages which I just copy and paste from a forum that I just read.

M - hey,i am Malaysian.. i be willing to be a air stewardness.. but i am not idea what can i do next step to got a opportunity to be a air stewardness...

C - Improve your English for your next step... No, I'm not trying to be mean.

No Good Time!

Exam coming soon, I have been studying my law whenever I am free and available to study. Now I come to this part, "No good consideration!" But I m not contracted into any promises or obligation. But just having "No Good Time".

Trying my very best to make Mr.R my good friend, but friendship doesn't seems to be work with just one party exercising it. Anyway since letting go is a must, without breaking our friendship, strengthen the friendship is the best way. And I m proud of myself that I m doing a good job with letting go this person. Now I m AVAILABLE!

Many things happen recently, my sister in my office break off with her 4~5-years relationship boyfriend, another good friend of mine in office break off with her 2years relationship boyfriend also, I think another female colleague of mine sitting behind me also... I saw her cried heavily last 2 weeks, should be break off with her 3months relationship boy friend. And all happen in the same week. Hard to find good and LOYALTY guy!


This song is nice. "坏人" 你是个好人，也是个坏人 You are a good guy, also a bad guy...

Recently I wish to make a friendship with a guy. I stay Pasir Ris (1st MRT station from east), he stay Tempines (2nd MRT station from east). We both work at Shaw Tower, Beach Road, my office at 24th floor, his at 28th floor. For the past 2months, almost everyday, I can see him from Tempines station to Shaw Tower, whole journey is about 35mins.

But recently I don't see him at the MRT door where I always meet him. But I do see him when we come to the main road which head to our office building. Which means he change place to stand and his way to office. Hidding?

16th Nov 2009 Monday, during lunch time, my colleagues and I waiting for lift and 24th floor lobby, once the door open, I saw him in the lift and I whisper to my best friend and my sister that he is the one. haha... Then after work, when I leaving my office, I met him again in the lift. Is that fate? Today, is the first time we go home together, he walk very fast, but we still get to board at the same train but next door. Where I just can see him from far.

He look stress everytime while he see me. That makes me not dare to look at him at all. I wish I could talk to him. But I m not brave enough to do so. I can see, he is not gay, just a normal straight guy, but I just wish to know who is he, and wish to be his friend. Just as simple as that. (Maybe he has Mr.R feature, but my best friend and my sister disagree)

有缘无分吧！

P.S. Many people bless me to have my true love before my 21st Birthday. Impossible to come true I think... haha..

One Hand Won't Sound!!!

Told my mom that I will go KL again after I my friend's wedding dinner in Ipoh on 23rd November 2009. I got scolded immediately on the phone.

Mom: (Angry) You always go KL for what? KL is a dangerous...

Shiuji: I go meet up my friend. As promised long time ago.

Mom: Friend again. You always friends, I let you go Singapore is to study, but you always go here and there... Why don't you spend your time concentrate on study. Go KL for what?

Shiuji: As I said, I will go meet some of my friends.

Mom: Friends? Why don't they go Singapore to find you? Why must you go KL? Ya, when you go KL, they will treat you as friend. You try the other way round, ask them to go Singapore to find you, see they still friend or not? One hand won't sound.

Shiuji: Ok! I will think about it...

Mom: If you don't want to study, you better come back to Ipoh to take over your father's factory.

I know my mom just worried about me. But her statement not totally wrong. Not only friendship, even to lover, relative, colleagues, even customers and suppliers on business, both parties need to work it out, and push together. As you always try to build up relationship with the other party, but he never want to bother, then this relationship never be built.

Like to stand a wall, both side need to push together to make the wall stand straight and stable. But if just one side are pushing, the wall won't be stable on fall to the other side.



But giving up a friendship is not the characteristic of Shiuji. I always try to build up a friendship with others, although they never have much response, but I won't try to give up. I will stand until the day you accept to defense at the other side of the wall.

P.S. Wish to have true friends. Although friend don't stand forever! But I believe it will works if we defense together...

Fattening Day!

7th Nov 2009 Saturday, we celebrate our friend's birthday at East Coast Park. But this celebration bring us a lot of FAT...

We met at Parkway Parade to shop for some snack that we can eat at the beach later. We bought Potato Chips, Twistle, Cheese Roller.... All SNACK.... Then we made our way to East Coast Park and chose a shop to rent bicycle. We cycle all the way to a food court to buy our dinner, the girls bought BBQ fish, oyster egg and fried mee kue teo... FAT....

Oyster Egg

BBQ fish

Fried Mee

Then we found a place where we can sit to have our dinner. The food are delicious, but we just can't stop complaining about the fat that we have taken in. What to do? Friend's birthday!!!

After finished our food in 30mins, we clean up the place and cycled to a place where many people fishing over there. The wind is so soft here, we can see sunset clearly at this location, people fishing and enjoying themselve with their friends and family.

Sunset

Fishing location at East Coast

East Coast is really a where I wish to come every week. The place is nice, environment is nice, food okok... And.... haha... There are a lot of hot guys around. There always many people playing at the beach, cycling, skating, jogging, even fishing. And many hot guys even topless... LOL.. I find skating is cool, and I want to learning skating during my next visit to East Coast.

Around 8pm, we went back to Parkway Parade and we have our desert at Swensen. Having fattening food again. Which is ice cream. We ordered Earthquake, a bowl of 8scoops ice-cream with top. And a Swensen ice-cream cake. FATTT

Prawn and Fruit Salad

Earthquake

Ice Cream Cake

P.S. Going to GYM later. Keep fat away from me....^^

Truth behind Words!

White Devil! Revive!

I read these from a chinese blog authored by my blogger friend. And hope to share these here, because I feel that all the truth behind those simple message are quite true.

(Translation might not be 100% accurate due to my poor english)

1. 当你收到“你干嘛呢？”实际上是想说“我想你了”。
1. When you receive "What are you doing?". But actually he is trying to say "I miss you!"

2. 当你收到“呵呵”，多是没笑或者傻笑。
2. When you receive "hehe". Majority means he is not smiling or giggle.

3. 但如果是“哈哈”或者“嘿嘿”，这时你打过去一定是在笑。
3. But if you receive "haha" or "heihei", sure one is laughing when he type.
Not really...

4. 说你“傻瓜”或者“笨蛋”其实是关心你，担心你，希望你照顾好自己。
4. When he say "silly" or "stupid". Actually he is caring and worrying about you, hope you can take care yourself.
Sometime...

5. 如果是问句结束，其实是希望能和你多聊一会儿。
5. If sentence end with question mark, actually he wish to chat more with you.

6. “哦”多半是在敷衍。
6. If he answer "oh". Majority means he is just perfunctory entertaining you.

7. 但如果是“知道啦”，“收到”，“遵命”之类的则表示比较在意。
7. But if he answer "I know le", "get it", "yes sir" and so on, which mean he care with it.

8. 有时劝你忙自己的，其实他是口是心非。
8. Sometime when he asking you to busy your work don't bother him, actually he do not mean it.
Silly

9. 把他的傻事，丢面的或失落的事告诉你，是希望你安慰他，开导他，甚至骂骂他。
9. Telling you all the silly things, shameful things that he did, actually he hope you to comfort him, or even scold him.

10. 主动发信息给你，说明你在他心目中有一定的分量，一般人不喜欢和不在意的人罗嗦。
10. Text you actively, means you are important to him, normally people won't talk much to people that they don't care.

11. 如果给你起外号，是希望你可以记住他多一点。
11. If he give you a nickname, means he hope you remember him.

12. “我刚到”，“我已经到家咯”说明进屋第一个想到的是你。
12. "I just reach", "I reach home le" shows that once he reach home, the first in his mind is you.

13. “你到家了就告诉我一声”，“你到家了没啊？”意思是我要你一定平安了，我不许你有事。
13. "Tell me when you reach home", "Have you reach home?" means he want you to be safe, don't allow you get hurt.

14. 有时不会那么巧就发错给你，可能是他想发给你又实在又没东西发，虽然这样很愚蠢。
14. There will never be an action called accidentally sent, maybe he wish to send something to you but dont know what to say. Although that is silly.

15. 收到“转发2人会幸福哦”，是他觉得这条短信很有意思，但是不忍心让你转发给10人，就偷偷把10改成了2。
15. Change to "forward to 2persons will get happiness oo", means he felt that this message is meaningful, but don't want you waste money to send to 10 persons, so he change to 2 instead of 10.

16. 凡是那种“不转发就会不幸”咒语性质的，他不是没有收到过，但是绝不会转发给你.
16. Those message says "if don't forward you will get curse.", it doesn't mean he won't receive this kind of message if he don't send you, just he will never forward to you.

17. 有一阵你没有收到过他的短信，但不表示他草稿箱里没有。
17. If he didn't text you for sometime, it doesn't means his draft box is empty.

18. 如果可能，他晚上不关机就是因为你。
18. If possible, he don't shut down the phone at night all because of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To those who long time didn't see me...
I'm no longer hunger for becoming silver dolphin!
I m White Devil! Light in darkness, Darkness in light!

I really did all the silly things above before. Although is meaningless now. Thats good thing for me, at least shows to myself that, I m not kidding at that moment.

I m happy now, because I know the truth. Although it had came to an end.

Ending!!!

As time goes by, I had blog for 12months. Many things happen in this 12months, people join and leave. There are happiness, sadness, joy and fun. I make many friends here and felt that the relationship will hold long, but actually I was wrong.

Luna Maze was build from a quiet land to a joyful place, and finally it comes to a dead land with full of memory. I won't terminate this place as I have many memory here, I miss every moment we are together, I miss everyone I met here. Although there are many sad memory, but all these memory no matter good or bad will forever in my heart until I die.

I will still continue Luna Maze although it sounds meaningless to me now. For me now, it seems like a listed dead pit. But I won't give up this place, everything will go in the way as it should be. I need to find a new piece of land to grow my city again. Or should I not...

Torro card says I m growing too fast, until people can't catch up with me. Seems like the truth is quite similar, but not in this way. It should be: -
1) People are growing, where I am not. Thats why everything I do seems so childish to others.
or
2) I am growing fast, but in the wrong way. Thats why people don't like how I am now.

Sometime I hope to start a new place to blog. There are too many things I can't tell. Because I always scared things I say will hurt someone. I always wish to help, wish to refresh someone, but my action can't presents my intention to them, and always had a negetive effect.

I dissapointed so many people. People see I am a happy guy at first, like angel. But maybe I am devil inside. I don't know. I not sure. But at least it seems to be so. I wish someone could help to kill the devil inside, but I know no one will. Logical thinking, who will kind enough to walk close to a devil when you know he is a devil in the first place, the first sense will always: away from him.

I hurt the second person now, or maybe more back there. Devil really kill in the silent way. I am not asking for forgiveness again. I know I should not be forgave. But I will try not to let the devil kill next person. I will let angel rules Luna Maze.

I hereby promise to Luna Maze.

Moon Cake Festival!!!

For the past years, while I still staying in Ipoh, Malaysia, whenever come to mooncake festival, I will have to follow my mom to shopping centre to shop for moon cakes. She need to buy a lot of moon cakes every year, because she has to give to my father company's customers, my grandparents, all my uncles and aunties. Then on Moon Cake Festival day, we will eat mooncake together, play candles and lantern with brothers and sisters.

My Moon cake festival programs changed after I come to Singapore. I no longer buying moon cake outside, eventhough there selling moon cakes everywhere even at the neigbour bread shop. We bake moon cake at home. ^^ I recalled last year moon cake festival, I missed ShangHai mooncake in Malaysia so much, so my aunt asked me to search for the recipe online and she will bake it for me. And she really did it very well.

27th September 2009 Sunday, my uncle, auntie and I were together baking mooncake at home. The process is really fun, especially working together with my uncle, he always create a lot of funny things for us to laugh. below are some photos to share... ^^

Salty egg yuk

Baking Shanghai mooncake

ShangHai Moon cake!!!

Special ShangHai mooncake!!! Specially bigger...

Normal traditional mooncake

3rd October 2009 Saturday, mooncake festival, went to date Eric BKT for shopping at Orchard Road. Actually we are not really shopping, but we are just keep on talking and talking, totally no direction with where to walk, I m talkative anyway. And we scan handsome guy together. LOL.

Around 5pm, we met James and Colin to go for dinner and movie at Cineleisure. They chose to watch Phobia2. T.T damn scary... But watching at Cineleisure better, because at least the whole cinema are full of people... LOL


4th October 2009 Sunday, we bake moon cake at home again, although moon cake festival already past, but these moon cakes are to bring back to Malaysia for our relative. And I bake something really special today, but I know this person might read this post, so better don't post the photos first. haha...

Sadly, the result of the moon cakes weren't as good as last week. But we find out what is our mistake, next year we will do it better.

I just found out, Malaysia need one to have a permit to shows that you are allow to accept food from oversea, then just people from oversea can send food to you. Isn't that sounds stupid? What for? Defense from pork product? Stupid la...

Self made salty egg... we using chicken egg instead of duck's

Steamed salty egg yuk, the previous week we baked them




Before baking


ShangHai Mooncake "greentea"

P.S. Recently really busy. But I will blog once a week. ^^ Gambate Shiuji

Clubbing Night ~ Zouk~

I have not been going to club for almost half a year, and I really miss them so much. I like clubbing, but most of my friends don't club, thats why no one is going with me. But finally... hehehe

25th Sept 2009 (Friday), in the afternoon, 3 of my colleagues of I went to Jack's Place Restaurant for lunch, and it is totally free for me. haha.. Because 2 of them are going to pay for 2 of us, so we ordered NZ Rebeye steak with brown sauce. Yummy.

NZ Rebeye Steak with brown sause Jack's Place Steak House

In the office, I received a box of gift from my colleague, because she give birth a baby boy. GongxiGongxi... After work, I quickly rush home to change for clubbing.

Baby gift box

Before I leave my home around 10pm. I msn Mr.R, wanna show him how I wear tonight, but sadly he didn't reply. At the same time, I saw Derek Hyung online, so I on my webcam to show him. But he said the shirt too small for me... damn it.

This how I wear

On the way, I felt myself super unlucky tonight. (1) At home, while changing my earing, the hole bleed, ~maybe the new earing still too big for me~; (2) I wear my Budha bracer, but it break once I wear ~maybe too long didn't wear~; (3) When bus came, I realised I left my bus card at home ~gotto go home get it~; (4) Wait for a cab at Tiong Bahru central for more then 20mins, ~maybe too late, it was 11.00pm~. Damn unlucky, scared something might happen.*SCARED*

Once I reach the enterance of Zouk. My friend came out to bring me in. And his friend already inside, we were just waiting for the arival of the soul person ~ DJ. He super late, he finally appeared after 12am. Then we went down to the dance floor to dance. My friend~Wayne is a well known lala zai, he can dance quite well, so he attracted those girls around, although he is not lengcai (he won't read my blog). LOL.

Luckily I wear white pent to Zouk, because the lighting will make white thing bright up

Ya... Zouk is a straight club. I saw many hot guy, cute guy, sweet guy around, but most of them hugging girls... Wanna cry.... Or most of them also with their group of friends, I also wish to have a group of clubbing kaki (not sitting there to drink, but dance and shout with us...haha)... But still, I saw quite some gay guys around. hehe...

Wayne's colleague, Pretty right...

I starting to love Zouk, there are 3 grounds (i.e. Disco, pub, R&B.) Don't know how to describe, Disco is DJ music, R&B is R&B music obviously, both can shout and dance, R&B even can sing with the song if you know (No worried, those songs are very famous, poker face, dance.... so on). The difference is people, R&B got more kids, lala zai; disco... not that lala... LOL...

Clubbing is fun, esspecially is dance dance dance. I wish they will play Abracadebra~Brown eyed girls... Then we can shake our ass to knock people ass. haha...

Before leaving

Luckily nothing bad happen after that, we left there around 3.45am, because Zouk close at 4am. And we take cab home, but something really bad happen here once I reach home. My uncle thought I will reach home after he wake up, so he lock the door before he went to sleep...

HELP!!! but luckily, my uncle just back to bed after he went to toilet, so he heard I opening the gate... In other word, the toilet save me in. LOL..

Lets enjoy how Brown eyed girls shake their ass~ I can shake like this....

Testing Testing 1,2,3.

Surprisingly, the number of my blog's followers is increasing, wondering how many follower are seriously reading my blog.

Message to follower:
Kindly comment something here shows that you are active in Luna Maze. LOL

Coming soon: -
Clubbing night ~ Zouk



Love this song play in club... but in club is English version...

Public Holiday ~No Holiday~

(This song is very sweet.)


By right, 20th September 2009 (Sunday) is Hari Raya Puasa, Malay New Year. 21st Sept 2009 (Monday) is a replacement of public holiday of Malay New Year. So it is a good chance for me to go clubbing at Zirca, because every Sunday is their special night ~ Super Star. It means this is a good chance for me to dance as crazy as I like, shake until I forget him, find someone to replace HIM in my brain. Since he won't want me...

BUT

My stupid collage have lesson in this morning, because they know we don't work this day. Damn it. Thats pull me back from clubbing. Make me woke up early on this public holiday morning, rushing to school and hurt my finger while changing my earing. Damn pain.

I wear blue big V-neck T, black jeans, white sport shoe with black vest and old style sunglass. When I walk on the MRT from one end to another. So many people staired at me. Sure because too gay... Damn it...

On my way, I sms Sen Dear to check for me the flight time for today from Singapore to Penang. Because I wanna wish him good luck before he leave Singapore. Silly. But now I know he reach Penang le... hehe..

Don't want to write too much le. Wanna sleep le... Good night ~@~

自虐 ~Masochistic~

Masochistic (Self-defeating) Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him or her, as indicated by at least five of the following:

• Chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available.
• Rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him of her.
• Following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain ( e.g., an accident).
• Incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated)
• Rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure).
• Fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, (e.g., helps fellow students write papers , but is unable to write his or her own).
• Is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, (e.g., is not attracted to caring sexual partners).
• Engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice;
  The behaviors do not occur exclusively in response to, or in anticipation of , being physically, sexually, or psychologically abused.
• The behaviors do not occur only when the person is depressed.
• The behaviors do not occur exclusively in response to, or in anticipation of , being physically, sexually, or psychologically abused.

P.S. I think I'm facing this. Loving the feeling of loving him, loving the feeling of loving someone don't love me to hurt myself. I'm finished. But I will be fine. Although today is really hurt. When I got the news that you were here from others, my day went up side down, luckily my friends with me, I didn't burst at the moment.

During my lonely journey back home, I slightly burst in tears. I know what I think is wrong, what I doing is totally against fate. But I can't control myself at that moment, I keep on looking around hope to see him once, I closed my eyes on the train just to stop thinking, but when come to a station, my mind praying automatically to see him while I open my eyes. Although I know it never happen. 我真的神经病了！

You should not send me this that day (4 September 2009)

Dream!!!

I have been waiting for so long to at least see of him once in my dream. Finally, my small little wish come true in this night.

12th Sept 2009 Saturday, recently I have been training myself to sleep early, main reason is for my face. LOL... Recently my face has becoming worse and worse, according to beautician's statement, it was due to congested, the only thing I can do is sleep early. Therefore, I will probably sleep around 12am (Maximum I can do, because by the time I reach home from class or gym, that will be 11+pm)

This night I went to bed around 12.15am, I can't sleep actually, because I used to sleep very late for more then half year, and my cousin still playing his computer game in the room. I keep turning around on my bed, and "he" start attacking my brain. Whenever I have nothing to do in physical, I will start thinking of "him". Why? Don't know thinking of how long, I fall asleep.

I can't really remember what's the dream actually about, I just remember my family and I went to a strange water theme park in maybe Malaysia, because I saw many Malaysian. While I were wondering around inside, I saw Mr.R was with his friends there also, that was my first time seeing him in real. I wanna make him realise me, I did many stupid things to make him see me. Sadly he didn't.

Then I told my sister that Mr.R is my friend.

(Very blur part, don't know what happen here...)

I came back to my home, then my sister told me: "Your friend Mr.R will stay over tonight, he is now upstair." Then I faster rush upstair. The room's light was off, but i can see his eye still open, then I immediately hide behind of the wall to cool down myself. Suddenly the light on, I tried to look into the room.

That wasn't Mr.R. My sister brought back the wrong person. By the way, why she brought Mr.R back our house? I don't know.

(Blur again...)

Mr.R and I finally meet and we are back to the water theme park. We chat a lot and play together. (Can't remember detail...haha)

And I slightly remember Kevin, Daren and.... (Forget who is the third person), they exceeds in my dream, but forget what actually happen.

Silly right. Anyway, just a dream, never come true.

Ok... Time to prepare to sleep. Good night.

Thank you!!!

I don't know what had happen. Sounds like this come too sudden. Anyway, I know you won't read this post. Even if you come, you will leave immediately I think.

4th Sept 2009, that night I did something really wrong. As you told me you want his msn before, I thought you wanna know him, so I brought him into our conversation. But I didn't expect such an ending. I tried my very best to explain to both of parties. One party told me: "is OK! never mind" So I didn't care much. And the other party promise me won't tell people who is it, but he just shout to express his feeling on facebook. What had happen after this or behind of me? I don't know.

6th Sept 2009, but this morning, Kevin asked me: "He angry with you?" But I still blur don't know what had happen. Until the afternoon, I found myself tagged on his photo, and when I wanna comment on it, then just only I realized I had been removed from his friend list. Then I go back to check my blogger.com, and I find out 1 follower stop following me and his blog posts were totally gone from my daskboard.

This is too sudden. My brain is empty. I hope Mr.R is around, but he is not, anyway, he don't care. Thanks for yanny gor, chat to me on the phone; Zac gor, chat to me on msn; Sen, trying to understand; 翔少，trying to make me happy.........

I just feel kinda wastage. 10months of friendship ended due to a 20mins msn, which less than 30sentences. For me, one seconds friend, forever friend. But I can't do anything. To him, I am totally not trust worthy I think. (I think is to everyone...) Every relationship ended normally are because of lack of trust. For this as well.

I don't expect you to forgive me. But thanks for being my gor for the past 10months. I am really proud of having you as my gor. (You won't accept it anymore...) I am using the perfume you recommended to me, I always think of you when I use. Sorry.. Maybe this is really my fault. Please don't forgive me, but forget me. Don't remember people hurt you before. I won't appear in front of you anymore, I don't want you get hurt anymore.

Please accept my last sentence: Thank you, Gor...

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Sunset ~ Love is All ~

I saw Ayumi's latest single selling in the CD shop, stood there for a while to play the CD with the player at the side. Unexpectedly I fall for this song.

28th Aug 2009, while I was working in the office, I downloaded this song, and enjoying it. Zac にさん came to chat with me on MSN. He is my youngest gorgor, except Willy and Yanny (This two gor are my most precious gor, cannot make them angry). LOL. As Zac gor also like japanese song and korean song. I shared this song to him. Gladly he love it...

THANKS GOR!!!

My gor very lengcai de... haha... While saw him on webcam, my sliver drip until all my documents on my table wet, and I have to print them all again. haha...

Lets enjoy the song together.... (Close your eye...)





Sunset~Love is All~ Ayumi Hamasaki

Come closer to me
Try to trust me more

You are laughing innocently
I adore your smile

But I know that tears were shining
On your cheeks until a while ago

I don't say easily, "Show me your true colors"
Or something like that
But I'm confident about accepting you
Whatever color I may see in you

* I want to send bigger love to you
In a louder voice
I want to get to your heart

** If I shout bigger love
In a louder voice
I wonder if it will reach you just a little

*** It's even better to take a roundabout way
I know we'll be able to understand each other

(In a louder voice)
(Bigger love)
(In a louder voice)
(Bigger love)

I can almost imagine for some reason
What you want to say

I just have a mind to face you
But actually I'm running away, don't you think so?

If I said I was not afraid
I'd be lying, to be honest
But I'm all prepared
All taken together

Hey, come closer to me
Try to trust me more
Do you hear the heartbeat
In my trembling chest?

Come closer to me
I want you to listen carefully in your heart
And try to trust me more

The time of confirming each other's mind is over now
I know we are thinking of each other

We are not at all perfect
Because we are human
But I think it's OK
Because I love such a point

(In a louder voice)
(Bigger love)
(In a louder voice)
(Bigger love)

Shiuji really SUKEBE!!!

Half year plus ago, Jon did something fantastic. Which is giving Shiuji the name ~ Sukebe (Japanese, means pervert)

On 27th Aug 2009, after work. I went to GYM as usual, because I have my spin class every Thursday. Today instructor isn't Sun (the instructor that asked me to get a boy friend bring me to Mount Everest. Last week she told us, she was lesbian last time, no wonder she knows I m gay).

Back to the story.

Today instructor is a guy, huge, quite a boring class. Luckily he is just to replace for this week, as Sun is on leave. But his class suffer more then Sun's class, means burn more fat. Actually this also not the main point. LOL

After my workout and all that. I went to steam bath, sauna and shower. Once I reach the changing room, I saw this hot guy just wearing jeans standing in front of the mirror (he was in the spin class with me just now). First word come out from my mouth was... 美味い

The one I saw is a lot more handsome!

When come into the sauna room, inside just got 1 guy, towel on his back, his hard cock was hanging there (he doing his own business inside, LOL...) Once I walk in, he stopped, and tried to cover his hard cock with his hand. Seeing him so shy, I just leave him alone in the sauna and went to shower. Nothing happen because not my cup of tea. LOL

After shower, while I changing in front of my locker. A handsome huge also just finish shower and changing in front of me (Just saw underwear only, not totally naked). His body is a big V shape. And I said, 美味い silently.

Bigger size then this and not this young. I think he around 26!

While I drying my hair in front of the mirror, another hot guy come into my view. Body very nice, not consider as huge. Once look on his body, I said 美味い...

Let me make a conclusion for all the above. 美味い is delicious in Japanese. When see handsome normally people says lengcai, hot, handsome and so on. But my first sentense to say was delicious.

I really wanna scold this Shiuji....

SUKEBE....


P.S. My cousin next to me while doing this post, so can't choose suitable picture.