Sunday, September 27, 2009
25th Sept 2009 (Friday), in the afternoon, 3 of my colleagues of I went to Jack's Place Restaurant for lunch, and it is totally free for me. haha.. Because 2 of them are going to pay for 2 of us, so we ordered NZ Rebeye steak with brown sauce. Yummy.
In the office, I received a box of gift from my colleague, because she give birth a baby boy. GongxiGongxi... After work, I quickly rush home to change for clubbing.
Before I leave my home around 10pm. I msn Mr.R, wanna show him how I wear tonight, but sadly he didn't reply. At the same time, I saw Derek Hyung online, so I on my webcam to show him. But he said the shirt too small for me... damn it.
On the way, I felt myself super unlucky tonight. (1) At home, while changing my earing, the hole bleed, ~maybe the new earing still too big for me~; (2) I wear my Budha bracer, but it break once I wear ~maybe too long didn't wear~; (3) When bus came, I realised I left my bus card at home ~gotto go home get it~; (4) Wait for a cab at Tiong Bahru central for more then 20mins, ~maybe too late, it was 11.00pm~. Damn unlucky, scared something might happen.*SCARED*
Once I reach the enterance of Zouk. My friend came out to bring me in. And his friend already inside, we were just waiting for the arival of the soul person ~ DJ. He super late, he finally appeared after 12am. Then we went down to the dance floor to dance. My friend~Wayne is a well known lala zai, he can dance quite well, so he attracted those girls around, although he is not lengcai (he won't read my blog). LOL.
Ya... Zouk is a straight club. I saw many hot guy, cute guy, sweet guy around, but most of them hugging girls... Wanna cry.... Or most of them also with their group of friends, I also wish to have a group of clubbing kaki (not sitting there to drink, but dance and shout with us...haha)... But still, I saw quite some gay guys around. hehe...
I starting to love Zouk, there are 3 grounds (i.e. Disco, pub, R&B.) Don't know how to describe, Disco is DJ music, R&B is R&B music obviously, both can shout and dance, R&B even can sing with the song if you know (No worried, those songs are very famous, poker face, dance.... so on). The difference is people, R&B got more kids, lala zai; disco... not that lala... LOL...
Clubbing is fun, esspecially is dance dance dance. I wish they will play Abracadebra~Brown eyed girls... Then we can shake our ass to knock people ass. haha...
Luckily nothing bad happen after that, we left there around 3.45am, because Zouk close at 4am. And we take cab home, but something really bad happen here once I reach home. My uncle thought I will reach home after he wake up, so he lock the door before he went to sleep...
HELP!!! but luckily, my uncle just back to bed after he went to toilet, so he heard I opening the gate... In other word, the toilet save me in. LOL..
Lets enjoy how Brown eyed girls shake their ass~ I can shake like this....
Saturday, September 26, 2009
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Clubbing night ~ Zouk
Love this song play in club... but in club is English version...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
(This song is very sweet.)
By right, 20th September 2009 (Sunday) is Hari Raya Puasa, Malay New Year. 21st Sept 2009 (Monday) is a replacement of public holiday of Malay New Year. So it is a good chance for me to go clubbing at Zirca, because every Sunday is their special night ~ Super Star. It means this is a good chance for me to dance as crazy as I like, shake until I forget him, find someone to replace HIM in my brain. Since he won't want me...
My stupid collage have lesson in this morning, because they know we don't work this day. Damn it. Thats pull me back from clubbing. Make me woke up early on this public holiday morning, rushing to school and hurt my finger while changing my earing. Damn pain.
I wear blue big V-neck T, black jeans, white sport shoe with black vest and old style sunglass. When I walk on the MRT from one end to another. So many people staired at me. Sure because too gay... Damn it...
On my way, I sms Sen Dear to check for me the flight time for today from Singapore to Penang. Because I wanna wish him good luck before he leave Singapore. Silly. But now I know he reach Penang le... hehe..
Don't want to write too much le. Wanna sleep le... Good night ~@~
Monday, September 21, 2009
Masochistic (Self-defeating) Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him or her, as indicated by at least five of the following:
- Chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available.
- Rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him of her.
- Following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain ( e.g., an accident).
- Incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated)
- Rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure).
- Fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, (e.g., helps fellow students write papers , but is unable to write his or her own).
- Is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, (e.g., is not attracted to caring sexual partners).
- Engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice;
The behaviors do not occur exclusively in response to, or in anticipation of , being physically, sexually, or psychologically abused.
- The behaviors do not occur only when the person is depressed.
- The behaviors do not occur exclusively in response to, or in anticipation of , being physically, sexually, or psychologically abused.
P.S. I think I'm facing this. Loving the feeling of loving him, loving the feeling of loving someone don't love me to hurt myself. I'm finished. But I will be fine. Although today is really hurt. When I got the news that you were here from others, my day went up side down, luckily my friends with me, I didn't burst at the moment.
During my lonely journey back home, I slightly burst in tears. I know what I think is wrong, what I doing is totally against fate. But I can't control myself at that moment, I keep on looking around hope to see him once, I closed my eyes on the train just to stop thinking, but when come to a station, my mind praying automatically to see him while I open my eyes. Although I know it never happen. 我真的神经病了！
You should not send me this that day (4 September 2009)
Sunday, September 13, 2009
12th Sept 2009 Saturday, recently I have been training myself to sleep early, main reason is for my face. LOL... Recently my face has becoming worse and worse, according to beautician's statement, it was due to congested, the only thing I can do is sleep early. Therefore, I will probably sleep around 12am (Maximum I can do, because by the time I reach home from class or gym, that will be 11+pm)
This night I went to bed around 12.15am, I can't sleep actually, because I used to sleep very late for more then half year, and my cousin still playing his computer game in the room. I keep turning around on my bed, and "he" start attacking my brain. Whenever I have nothing to do in physical, I will start thinking of "him". Why? Don't know thinking of how long, I fall asleep.
I can't really remember what's the dream actually about, I just remember my family and I went to a strange water theme park in maybe Malaysia, because I saw many Malaysian. While I were wondering around inside, I saw Mr.R was with his friends there also, that was my first time seeing him in real. I wanna make him realise me, I did many stupid things to make him see me. Sadly he didn't.
Then I told my sister that Mr.R is my friend.
(Very blur part, don't know what happen here...)
I came back to my home, then my sister told me: "Your friend Mr.R will stay over tonight, he is now upstair." Then I faster rush upstair. The room's light was off, but i can see his eye still open, then I immediately hide behind of the wall to cool down myself. Suddenly the light on, I tried to look into the room.
That wasn't Mr.R. My sister brought back the wrong person. By the way, why she brought Mr.R back our house? I don't know.
Mr.R and I finally meet and we are back to the water theme park. We chat a lot and play together. (Can't remember detail...haha)
And I slightly remember Kevin, Daren and.... (Forget who is the third person), they exceeds in my dream, but forget what actually happen.
Silly right. Anyway, just a dream, never come true.
Ok... Time to prepare to sleep. Good night.
Monday, September 7, 2009
4th Sept 2009, that night I did something really wrong. As you told me you want his msn before, I thought you wanna know him, so I brought him into our conversation. But I didn't expect such an ending. I tried my very best to explain to both of parties. One party told me: "is OK! never mind" So I didn't care much. And the other party promise me won't tell people who is it, but he just shout to express his feeling on facebook. What had happen after this or behind of me? I don't know.
6th Sept 2009, but this morning, Kevin asked me: "He angry with you?" But I still blur don't know what had happen. Until the afternoon, I found myself tagged on his photo, and when I wanna comment on it, then just only I realized I had been removed from his friend list. Then I go back to check my blogger.com, and I find out 1 follower stop following me and his blog posts were totally gone from my daskboard.
This is too sudden. My brain is empty. I hope Mr.R is around, but he is not, anyway, he don't care. Thanks for yanny gor, chat to me on the phone; Zac gor, chat to me on msn; Sen, trying to understand; 翔少，trying to make me happy.........
I just feel kinda wastage. 10months of friendship ended due to a 20mins msn, which less than 30sentences. For me, one seconds friend, forever friend. But I can't do anything. To him, I am totally not trust worthy I think. (I think is to everyone...) Every relationship ended normally are because of lack of trust. For this as well.
I don't expect you to forgive me. But thanks for being my gor for the past 10months. I am really proud of having you as my gor. (You won't accept it anymore...) I am using the perfume you recommended to me, I always think of you when I use. Sorry.. Maybe this is really my fault. Please don't forgive me, but forget me. Don't remember people hurt you before. I won't appear in front of you anymore, I don't want you get hurt anymore.
Please accept my last sentence: Thank you, Gor...