Sorry Shiuji!!!

Run - Leona Lewis

I just realized I don't know Shiuji. I don't know what he really need, what he really want.

What I really need? I don't know...
What I really want? I don't know...
Am I too lonely? Most probably...

Sometime too lonely will drive me to do something that will make me regret for the whole of my life. Many people asked me, why are you so desperate to have a boyfriend? Because I really scared of lonely.


Suddenly feeling like telling a story here.

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Longtime ago, there was this little boy who are not accepted by others. Because, he is ugly on his face, poor in game, evil in the heart. He never has a friend to play with him, not even while PE lesson, no one are willing to form a group with him. So everyday he just play alone behind the school store room with his best friend ~ a old beach ball, while others were playing football or basketball at the field.

Because he was too lonely, anyone or anything can easily catch his interest. So there comes a 40+ uncle wanna play with him. At start this boy refused the offer of that uncle, but the uncle keep on approaching him. So finally he accepted to play with that uncle, and game wasn't fun at all. After just a few minutes, that uncle kick that ball out to the fence.

Without helping the boy to pick the ball, he just said sorry and went off. After that, the boy swear never play with stranger again and he start saving his pocket money to buy a new ball.

After a year, this little boy used up all his saving in the year to buy himself a new and nice ball. Although one year has past, but still no one are willing to play with him. So he gotto hide behind the school store room to play alone.

One day, when this boy was playing happily. A 40- uncle approached him to play the ball with him. Maybe that boy was over lonely and he forgotten about the old lesson, he once again accept the uncle offer. This uncle even worse, he kick the ball out to the fence, without saying sorry and he left. From that day onwards, the little boy hate uncle from the bottom of his heart.

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I wanna tell sorry to Shiuji, because I did something even worse to him.

Just now on my way home, when I was sitting in the MRT, lying my head on the window, I think of the sweet moment I saw this morning, which is two boys were sitting together on the MRT, and one was lying his head on the other, and reflect back to what I did just now? At that moment, I was totally burst. I don't know why I can do something like that.

So I sms my sister in my office. She was so worried after receiving my sms, she keep on calling me, but I never dare to pick up. I don't want to talk, because I find myself so dirty and my mouth so smelly. So I just replied her, telling her that I'm ok. And she replied: -

No matter what happen, I will not feel you are "dirty".. I will always beside you. Just tell me if you want to. Don't think of all the bad things. Remember you still got me as your sister.

Once I read this sms, I totally burst with tears, I immediately close my eyes to control my tears flowing out. I really regret what I just did. I found myself ugly, weak, stupid, dirty and useless. My brain was blank, I don't know what had happen, just don't want to see myself in the mirror.

After a minutes plus, my sister sent me another sms: -

Shiuji, Don't be not happy ok? After 12am is another brand new day for you.. If you think you are dirty just go to take bath.. Maybe I am more dirty than you.. Must be happy.. I wish to see you as a happy guy.

I don't know after today, I still have the chance to see my own true smile or not. What I just know is... People never see my sad side.

I tried to make myself happy, I walked into 7eleven, see any food that can make me happy. But I find nothing, because I don't know what food can make Shiuji happy. I really don't know. Tonight, I talk less then 10words. Really don't want to open my mouth.


P.S. Don't worry... I will heal myself soon... But it really takes time... I hope not another year again...